new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
