If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
