why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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