I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize