My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
