if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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