Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
