Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
