My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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