is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
