OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize