You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
