But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
FUCK WHALES
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
