Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize