3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
