Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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