...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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