Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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