my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
