you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
