i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
