Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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