she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
