Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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