HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
