im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
