Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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