He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
