His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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