to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
