dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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