ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he fucked my hip out of place.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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