He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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