when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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