He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
