i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
