If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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