In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
