I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
