also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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