I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
