I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
