how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
