Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
