Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
