i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
