found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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