so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think a kid would responsible me up
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
