Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
