it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
