i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize