We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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