I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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