and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize