Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i wish my penis had a tongue
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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