evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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