Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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