I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
