when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
