i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
