I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I want a musical about memes.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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