im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
